Having a boyfriend is embarrassing…
Why must everything be so embarrassing
People lament when girls get boyfriends because the idea of a boyfriend means losing a piece of the girl they once knew.
To put it simply, things become vanilla, cookie cutter even and when you’re single there’s more possibility for adventure. HOWEVER, it doesn’t HAVE to be mournful, I think part of the reason it’s embarrassing is because people can’t separate their relationship and their lives. They treat it synonymously. That’s not ideal for keeping up your sense of self and other relationships outside of your boyfriend. That’s why we don’t like the “boyfriend girl” because there isn’t anything besides the boyfriend. EW.
The trick is not losing the things that make you excited. If your routine was doing Tuesday trivia nights with your friends at Barney’s beanery, don’t suddenly drop that because you feel you have this moral obligation to devote that window to your boyfriend. If having jam sessions with your bros on Thursday’s was on your weekly agenda, don’t cut that because your girlfriend doesn’t like that you’re not spending every day with her. Have loyalty in the things that matter to you. There’s nothing sexier than two people who keep the passion between them and their hobbies alive. Create balance in relationships,((obvious, I know)) so that you keep parts of yourself whole ((its not that obvious, I know)). The issue is not having a boyfriend. The issue is most “boyfriend girls” are keeping a boyfriend to fill a space. Then, when the realization sets that the space isn’t meant to be filled by a boyfriend or girlfriend but rather them; that’s when the icks roll out. When you start to realize they breathe too loudly and how they don’t LISTEN when you speak. It’s how they don’t challenge you to be/do better, they’re just kinda there. Being there passively rather than actively.
Ideally when in a relationship neither of you should feel constrained by one another. Both people should feel or already be whole; complete in their lives and the relationship just adds to it. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t have to strip you of yourself. In a secure situation they know who you are and rather then trying to get you to do less for their own comfort they admire how you put yourself out there, bring life to the party or how you do cartwheel’s after a rendezvous.
Make it stand out
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
As someone who gets into a relationship once every blue moon and chooses their romantic partner with a surgical precision, there’s always a common denominator that separates the “yeah they’re cool, we’ll see what happens” from “oh, yup! Thats gonna be my boyfriend”. It’s understanding I am my own person, with hobbies, a full time job, friends and social obligations. There are no ultimatums after the first date or pressure to claim stake. There are all these fake rules and timelines. There’s nothing I hate more than a “fine then I’ll just let you be, since it seems you’re too busy to respond” after an hour of no reply like no, I saw your text, Its 1pm and I’m working with a client directly. It screams: I have nothing else that stimulates me other than you and THATS a lot of pressure for someone who’s multidimensional. It’s allowing space for us to be dynamic, flexible, because they too value their hobbies, friends, and goals. By no means am I saying leave your partner out in the dark, but create a routine that works for both of you. That means compromising too. So having a boyfriend doesn’t have to be embarrassing it’s just that the idea of the boyfriend that exists today isn’t reflective a boyfriend of quality. You usually hear horror stories or see videos of women who post a “funny” video of their husband and the whole comment section is full of “girl leave him comments” because of the way he’s not self sufficient.
Kendom™️: where males have podcasts that feed this false narrative to men with low self esteem how much women love the “Alpha Male” ((its usually just guys who majored in business or communications who love Andrew Tate, have a weird obsession with David Goggins and speak too loudly about how much money they make whenever you’re around)).
Make it stand out
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
In the days where women weren’t allowed bank accounts and men were needed for everything, we had no other choice but to accept it as is. Having a boyfriend meant something. It was a marker of status. Now where women are meeting or outperforming men financially, the financial gain is not reason enough for being a prospective candidate but rather; how girly pop can you be? Are you sensible? Can we divvy up the chores and can I count that you’ll put the laundry in the dryer rather than letting it sit soaking wet in the drum all day when it’s the only thing I asked for you to do. It’s so sexy the way you’re checking in when things get heavy and so is the way you assemble that chair from Ikea.
It forces the question: What if it wasn’t so embarrassing after all? Choose someone as cool as you then maybe, just maybe, having a boyfriend wouldn’t be so embarrassing… don’t worry babe, you’re alright… for now.
Z you later.