I’ve got expectations
This time its different
The summer of love so far fetched. Another night out overwhelmed by the desperation thats so heavily alcohol influenced. The first thing they notice is how attractive they’ve convinced themselves I am and now to their shocking belief the fact that theres a brain between my eyes, not that it matters to them anyway. The joke Ive made now flown over their head. Im sure he’d prefer it be the opposite yet he’s still choosing to talk to me because these days, expectations are out the window. Gave my heart with zero stipulations years ago and now It seems im the only one who takes careful stipulations. Why settle for a guy with a fake job who larps around LA when the security offered by any single friend in my phone can do whatever I think this conversation is attempting to do in 10 minutes or less.
Few stipulations in the real world. The conversation has given me nothing and somehow only proved the way you look is all they could care about. So on and on he talks about his book being published and my mention of a publishing company rendered him completely unamused, because what I have to say isn’t important. You’re only standing here to assess the chances you get to f()* me. Attraction now being the catalyst to every interaction. Can I blame him, it’s virtually impossible to ignore when all can everyone ever talk about is how to be more beautiful, more optimized, more perfect, more everything. So desperate for loving but unlucky for him, I’m not. These days it seems no one has expectations. A weekend with my friends further reinforcing the idea that the expectations I’ve set aren’t for nothing. Smart and so many other things that don’t need to be validated by some half brain dead guy trying to talk me up while simultaneously ignoring anything thats come out of my mouth. Only here to remind them of what self respect looks like.
With hope and drive I won’t lose fate.
I won’t settle for a guy with a fake job. Adoration now for the saps and god knows I am not kissing any boy that is passive, if you haven’t heard Indecision is fatally unattractive and on the other end of that, an overt dismissal of anything, highlighting exactly why I don’t bother. As if the conversation wasn’t already disappointing, expecting it to be so was. Confidence being one, humor another and last being, well, expectations that seem so terribly hard to come by. If no one has expectations for anything how can you create the experiences that are supposed to fulfill you? Harboring around someone for what is perceived to be for nothing other than my own comfort is a disservice and the thought of doing so is unfathomable and truly a hinderance for someone with any real goals.
Ive got real big expectations that stretch far beyond a guy with a fake job. Maybe we’re numb to it or maybe theres a lack of amusement in anything because all anyone can do is market themselves that they forget they’re talking to a person and not an interviewer at Goldman Sachs. We should expect to nurture and further existing relationships. Building bigger and better expectations of connecting with you all in a way that means something, to make a change for the better. Because what matters isn’t being said. Meanwhile this guy standing in front of me is only here to tell me what I want to hear and due to the careful considerations I take, all the words just fall terribly flat.
And so until then, here I’ll remain because this time we’ve got the expectations.
spread the word while you still can,
-z you VERY soon
